Are You a Coward? Or, Becoming a Courage Interrogator by Mark Hatmaker

Well, that question is a little provocative, not necessarily polite conversational fodder for today’s standards. You might be thinking, “Hatmaker, just who do you think you are to question my intestinal fortitude?”


But, questions of individual courage and bravery and cowardice were commonplace for century upon century. Honor Codes in myriad forms offered different cultures tangible yardsticks by which to measure a fellow human’s grit and gumption. These questions of bravery were measured via deeds, demonstrated in actions, measured by observation of the individual hewing to the given Honor Code in day-to-day life. 


Mere assertion of “I bet I’d be brave if I had to be” were only words that a child would utter, or despised braggadocio of some privileged adult of nobility who was exempted from tests of valor, and thusly no evidence was provided to back up the claim.

Living life in such a demonstrable way allowed the smaller social circles in days when life was a bit rougher edged to have a good measure of “Yeah, Bill’s a guy to have in your boat when the ship goes down” or “Sir Nigel, may be small but his heart is large” or “Doug, well, we all know he’s not worth wasting a horse on.”


The Question of Individual Cowardice is of utmost importance to combat athletes, to reality-based warriors, to be frank, to every human being. 


Suspected timidity is of utmost importance as it can defeat a lifetime of drill re-labeling it mere play-acting. It can render “all you know” unusable in a single moment.


This is Brasidas of Sparta, quoted in Thucydides’ The Peloponnesian War


“Fear makes men forget, and skill which cannot fight is useless.”


The classical reference is borne out by study after study.


When situations alter to the terrifying, or merely stressful, that is when we discover what we are. Whether all the drill hours manifest or if we have wasted an enormous amount of time and lip-service in an endeavor un-done by a timorous spirit.


Since, our current cultural moment finds such peer-to-peer reckoning of “Are you a coward?” impolite, and that we lack a solid Honor Code to tangibly measure ourselves to, we have to become our own Courage Interrogators. 


We must determine for ourselves if we are or are not cowards. I’m sure we all hope bravery is the answer. I hope that is the answer for all who read this bit of maundering.

Chances are you already know the answer to the question. I’ll get to that in a moment; and I’ll also offer a simple strategy for increasing the likelihood of courage manifesting, we’ll call it “Bite-Size Courage Inoculation.”


First, the test of bravery is brave deeds. No brave deeds to point to? Then we have no answer to the question. Character is tested by what it performs not by what it says. 


If mere words were sufficient then all the Hallmarkian professions of undying love we hear daily would result in a world of other-worldly loveliness and yet…


Or, consider that more than half of humanity use New Year’s Day or some other calendar benchmark to start anew and become the bright shiny better people that they always wanted to be. Chances are you’ve made some of these bold New Year assertions yourself.


How many resolutions have you kept over the years?


With that success/failure rate in mind, we must never allow simple mind-setting, or assuming one would be brave when it mattered is a given. If we can’t hold fast to a commitment to eat more kale or learn Spanish, what makes us think that merely saying “I’ll be brave when things are skeery” will work out any better?


Chances Are you Already Know


I wager you answered the “Are you a coward?” question long before now, or at least have your own inner suspicions.


If [if] you haven’t come to a solid conclusion yet, allow me to offer these Courage Interrogation prompts.

·        Can you think of a time that you wished you had done something but didn’t because you were afraid, and keep in mind fear is scalable, it is not always the BIG things. 

·        Has there been a time when you did not cross the room to talk to the tres cute one because you were afraid of rejection?

·        A time when you said no to a simple invite to do any such thing simply because you felt, “I wouldn’t be good at that, I’m afraid of people judging me.”

You get the idea, if we can point to small things that we avoid because of a bit of fear, why would we expect to be any better in large matters?


If one says, “I drill every day, Hatmaker, hours upon hours, that’s how I know.”


Well, back to approaching the cute person across the room. You talk every day. You walk every day. Chances are you have done both of these activities far longer than whatever “thing” you drill, and you likely do them far far more often than you drill the “brave surety.” And yet, …


We answer our impolite question of bravery with deeds. With actions.


And as we see the deeds need not always be BIG jump out of planes, wrestle-an-alligator actions. They can be all the small fear-envelop pushing events that we encounter in everyday life.


It is no small thing to wrestle with fear, as long as you are wrestling with it, attempting to pin it and win it. 


Simply avoiding the fear is not wrestling the fear at all, it is an answer to the cowardice question.

From where you stand right now, ask yourself “Am I a coward?”


And if the answer is yes OR no, embrace the scary moments large or small. All warriors must train fortitude even when circumstances are not at hand, after all that’s what drill is, we are wise to embrace most all moments of “Hmm, this is a little uncomfy, should I avoid it or do a little bite-size inoculation?”


You know the correct answer. 


Fears no matter how small might be wise for the spirit, the character to embrace.


I end with a French parable from Jean Paulhan.


“You can squeeze a small bee in your hand until it suffocates, but it will not suffocate without having stung you. You may say this is a small matter, and, indeed, it is a small matter. But if the bee had not stung you, bees long ago would have ceased to exist.”


No matter what the squeeze is, no matter how small the circumstances, put yourself to the test. 


Now get out there and sting life a little bit every day, let the world know you still exist.


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