We shall begin with
two lovely quotes to light the path, then express distaste for why the argument
may even need to be made, talk disappointed monkeys with long memories, tangled
webs/cognitive load and then, if we’ve walked the path rightly wind up back
where we started.
“To the wise and good man the whole earth
is his fatherland.”--Democritus
That quote is not mere platitude, Democritus was
well-travelled in a day when travelling was h-a-r-d and, unlike many professors
of doctrine, he “ate his own cooking’”, that is, practiced what he
preached. He esteemed the value of “cheerfulness” in inward and outward demeanor
and was known widely as “The Laughing Philosopher” because, well, I’ll bet you
can guess…
Our next path-light is a blessing of a Navajo
ideal.
“I have been to the end of the earth.
I have been to the end of the waters.
I have been to the end of the sky.
I have been to the end of the mountains.
I have found none that are not my friends.”
Astonishingly similar
messages—thousands of miles and thousands of years apart.
Both make claims for travelling
far and finding friends everywhere, finding kinship not just where one began,
but where one stands at any given moment.
On the surface both
beacon insights are simply lovely bon-bons. We admire them, chew them a bit in the
mind and move on to our next petty annoyance or, more commonly, indifference to
humanity that is not housed under our own roofs.
Now, were Democritus
and our Navajo Warrior simply remarkably lucky in that they met none who were unpleasant?
In harsh unforgiving
landscapes and times? Unlikely.
Rather, Democritus provides
the key, the “wise and good” man or woman finds home everywhere. I wager our Navajo
warrior would agree. The common denominator is not that either of these travelers
was simply lucky in who they encountered, it is rather that all the travelers
who met Democritus and our Navajo Warrior were the lucky ones.
These met ones were
walking their own paths when they encountered good and wise men determined to know
them, travelers determined not merely to collide and skew off in the billiard randomness
of earthly encounters; rather the wise and good were determined to meet and
enjoy friends---everywhere.
The common
denominator is not luck in who is met, but choice in the demeanor in who is doing
the meeting.
The
Distasteful Bit
If you already have an
eye that being just and good and pleasantly demeanored is a given, then the calculating
“Why it is wise to be compassionate and kind” that follow may sit bitter
on the tongue.
I get that.
Personally, I feel
that the right thing to do is the right thing to do and has no need of “justification”
but…I offer what follows in response to certain “life-hack” advice that treats people
as means rather than people.
Advice that smacks of “using
relationships as strategies” or “paths to power” or sees people as “pawns
to seduce” rather than the ars gratia artis joys that they are.
Simian
Bookkeepers
Mammals are social bookkeepers—primates,
in particular. [Humans, perhaps even more so as we often write it all down to
recall who was naughty and who was nice—those are called history books in
school.]
Animal ethologists
have been probing simian behavior for decades. Pertinent to today’s sermon, monkeys
and apes of all kinds have been subjected to an experiment in fairness which,
in essence takes the following form.
·
Monkey A
learns that performing Task A reaps a cucumber slice as a reward.
·
Monkey B
is brought in, performs the same task but receives a more coveted sweet grape
as reward rather than the cucumber slice.
·
Monkey A
is allowed to witness this disparity in treatment, when Monkey A performs Task
A and receives the next cucumber slice, Monkey A often tosses it in disgust.
·
Monkey A
is exhibiting a sense of justice, is saying via action, “WTF? He gets a
grape and I get this friggin’ cucumber?”
·
Reciprocity
is in our marrowbones.
·
Monkey A
feels slighted.
·
If Monkey
B sees Monkey A continually “short-changed” at some point Monkey B will earn a
grape and then offer it to Monkey A.
·
Monkey A accepts
gratefully and often in turn shares their next reward or grooms Monkey B.
·
Selfish
unthinking behavior was the expected. T’is not the case, at least not with most
monkeys.
Self-Experiment
in Recollection
You ever hold a door for
a stranger?
Likely you have. If
so, three outcomes may have occurred.
One-You hold the door, they say, “Thank you”
you feel good, they feel good, likely you a wee bit better as the Action-Taker.
Two-You hold the door, they say, “Thank you”
and in turn hold the next door for you or for someone else in reciprocity for
what they just experienced. You feel good, they feel good, you feel even better
if you see them door-holding as you feel that you started that cascade of kindness.
Three-You hold the door, they say…nothing. Just walk
through without a look back. You contemplate pulling the door off the hinges
and bashing them with it. You don’t but you ponder it like a cucumber slice
throwing monkey.
The ungrateful feel,
well, nothing. You on the other hand, you don’t really feel worse, or that you’re
a dupe for even trying to be kind. You feel oddly benevolent, sort of a position
of, “Well, at least some of us still value manners/reciprocity.”
All though your kindness
was ignored, there is still a burst of gene-deep “I did the right thing.”[And
btw—You did. Good on you.]
To be clear, our door-handling
reaps positive rewards and thanks yous and reciprocities far far more often than
Captain and Mistress Oblivious nothings.
We primates keep tabs,
it is the foundation of our sense of justice, our sense of fairness.
We are social
bookkeepers with an eye on keeping accounts equitable.
And there we begin to
see the wisdom that Democritus and our Navajo Warrior profess. Rather than
simply repaying social debts [“Oh, he held a door for me, now I’ll pay it
forward.”] Our Compassionate Warrior becomes the initiator in all compassionate
kindnesses that he or she can. The Compassionate Warrior knows that reciprocity
and cascading actions are the norm far above the outlier of the vacuum of indifference.
Our acts [good or bad]
are essentially cue-balls on breaks sending a cascade of similar effects along
the other players we make contact with.
No matter how far Democritus,
the Navajo Warrior or, perhaps you travel, the initiating action of kindness has
good odds that you will reap like in return.
Tangled Webs
& Cognitive Load
“Oh, what a tangled
web we weave,
When first
we practice to deceive.”-Walter
Scott, Marmion: A Tale of Flodden Field
The liar must keep up
with what lie was told to who, and the add-on lies that were told to support
lie number one.
Lies take a good deal
of cognitive effort; truths not nearly as much bandwidth.
The same holds for our
cue-ball of action. If we begin cascades of kindness, never do we sweat, “Will
this come back to bite me?”
Whereas if our day is
filled with flipping off this driver, rude to that server, abrupt with that loved
one, tweeted that bit of venom, well, only the Good Lord knows why that person might
be walking straight towards you in the parking lot, or what is in your creamy
bisque serving at the restaurant, or what the loved one ponders while you are
away being unpleasant elsewhere.
Kind actions require
little cognitive and strategic bandwidth.
Unkind and mendacious actions,
well, a lot of time and energy must go into preservation/protection of the initial
action you instigated.
Allies and
Enemies
The Compassionate Warrior
via small acts [door holding etc.] is creating an immediate tribe of allies in
each “fatherland” visited.
Aesthetically, one is kind
because it is the thing to do.
Strategically, well,
it is far wiser to be kind than unkind.
Two
Beacons One More Time
“To the wise and good man the whole earth is his fatherland.”--Democritus
“I have been to the
end of the earth.
I have been to the end
of the waters.
I have been to the end
of the sky.
I have been to the end
of the mountains.
I have found none that
are not my friends.”
To Compassionate Wise
and Good Warriors everywhere!
[For more Rough& Tumble
history, Indigenous Ability hacks, and for pragmatic applications of old school
tactics historically accurate and viciously verified see our RAW/Black Box/Unleaded Subscription Service.]
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