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Southern Harm & Southern Charm by Mark Hatmaker

 


Let’s set the stage…

“As a general statement, I don't like Yankees, I'm as polite as I can be, but I don't like their behavior. I've had occasions to tell some Yankees that they wouldn't stay alive two days in the counties I come from, acting the way they act, talking the way they talk, shoving people out of the way.  You can't do that.”-Harry Crews

As a Bonafide Southern Man who has been privileged to travel the world a bit, I find truth in Mr. Crew words. Me? I like “Yankees” hell I like most people but the behavior he mentions…we’ll come back to that.

And it isn’t just a Southern Man thing…

“What Southern women are is loyal, very sexy, polite to a fault, and when necessary, razor-sharp with their wit. And most importantly, a Southern woman (when pushed) will-- in every possible meaning of the phrase—“Kick your ass!”—Branford Marsalis

These dual characteristics of Charm and Harm seem to linger in all those I have known who come from true southern upbringing, that is, rural areas where many Old Ways persist.

Old Ways such as…in the Male of the Southern Species

·        Mind Your Manners

·        Gallantry

·        Reckless Daring

·        A Strict Honor Code that will have one fight at the drop of an insult and paradoxically…

·        Forgive just as easily once the “Point Has Been Resolved.”

In Southern Ladies again…

·        Sweet and Charming

·        Syrup in the accents and the Manners

·        A Reckless Daring hiding behind, “Oh, I’d never do such a thing…”

·        And, as Branford Marsalis states in his quote—cross a Southern Woman and, Boy Howdy!

Many a sociologist has traced this Honor Code to the early Settlers and their co-mingling with the indigenous tribes. There was a rejection of the considered effete gentility of the Eastern seaboard and more an identification with “I make my way, I mind my manners, you do the same.”

Embodied in the following quote…

“I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted, I won't be laid-a-hand on. I don't do these things to other people and I require the same of them.”—Glendon Swarthout, The Shootist [voiced in the film by John Wayne.]

[Another day we will delve deeply into the history of the forces that helped foster this culture. For now, I would direct you to our article Dixie Rough n Tumble Knife “Games” for a wild look at more of the background of how far these honor spats could go. 

This Southern propensity for Manners, Slights, Honor, Quick-to-Fight and Just-As-Quick-to-Shake-Hands has a scientific back up to it.

Psychologists Richard Nisbett and Dov Cohen have examined this seemingly Southern-Only phenomenon in detail. In one experiment they concocted a study that looked at the differences between the emotional and physiological responses of Northern and Southern men when faced with an insult.

·        They had both Northern and Southern college-age men come into the lab under the pretense of taking part in an unrelated study.

·        They were asked to take a questionnaire to a room at the end of a long and narrow hallway, and as they made their way down it, a confederate to the experimenters would bump into the subject and call him an “asshole.”

·         During this altercation, the subjects’ emotional response was recorded, and afterwards their levels of cortisol (which is released from arousal and stress), and testosterone (which increases when gearing up for something that will involve aggression and dominance) were measured.

 

The result? Nisbett and Cohen found that Northern men reacted with more amusement to the insult than anger, while the Southerners reacted with more anger than amusement.

·        Their physiological response differed too.

·        The cortisol levels of insulted Northerners rose 33%, even less than the control Northerners who walked down the hallway without being bumped at all.

·        But the cortisol levels of insulted Southerners went up more than double that: 79%.

·        The testosterone levels of Northern men increased by 6%, but went up 12% for Southerners.

·        The Flip-Side: If the confederate then offered an “Oh, excuse me” the incensed Southerner immediately [and I mean lickety-split] went into gregarious mode.

·        In essence, embodying a world of consequences—good, bad, indifferent, kind or…

Perhaps those not borne of this culture will see this quick to rile a “flaw” in Southern Ways. Perhaps it is.

Then I must ask, is the quick to forgive also a fault?

Me? I’m born and bred here and must admit, I’m a pussycat except when I’m not.

I am biased, but I am steeped in this code and tradition, and I value it.

For those who find such an attitude childish I offer…

“Where, outside the South, is there a society that believes even covertly in the Code of Honor.”—Allen Tate

Would we not rather a world where a Code exists and is lived up to than none at all?

In the worlds of a Northerner with, to my eye, proper perspective, in other words, he gets it…

“The South is what we started out with in this bizarre, slightly troubling, basically wonderful country—fun, danger, friendliness, energy, enthusiasm, and brave, crazy, tough people.”—P.J. O’Rourke

For additional depth and a look at the combat borne and bred from this atmosphere I direct you to the sister-article Dixie Rough n Tumble Knife “Games”

Resources For Living Like a Southern Warrior

The Black Box Store

The Rough ‘n’ Tumble Raconteur Podcast


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